Monday, January 25, 2010

Temporary Leave of my Senses

So where I have been is renovating my house. A plan that was clearly hatched while my rational sense was on Christmas break.

And by "renovating" I mean "making a big mess".

Why do this? Oh, because why not - right? And because I read Katy Elliots blog one too many times.

This project so far has entailed me packing up all my stuff & putting it in the basement, moving myself into my guest room, and basically gutting every room.

GAH!

Thankfully I have a fantastic foreman on the job who kicks my ass when I slack off. And in an effort to perhaps get yet MORE work done after my regular work, I gave her my computer in an attempt to not couch flop and surf all night.

Which is why I am currently staying late and posting this, so I can go home and get back to work.

My house better effing rock SO hard after this!!!!

I will post some pictures of the kitchen so you can really appreciate the job I am facing!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Fancy Food Round Up

And by fancy food I mean the opposite of that.


All the foods below, as well as the liver sausage and curry powder above, are available for sale on Amazon.com - believe it or not, there is very little NOT for sale on that site. It's incredible really and I can't stop staring. ..

One thing that seems to be quite popular are foods that taste like other foods. Not in the crazy genetically modified way where a strawberry tastes like flounder but in the regular way where all the natural flavor is sucked out and replaced with a chemical replica of an entirely other flavor.



Frankly this amazin' packaging reminds me of something I would have really wanted to have in my lunchbox.... back in 6th grade. In the eighties. When claymation California raisins swept the nation. And Cabbage Patch Kids ruled the world.

Oh, ok, I am back. Up next...



Personally I love cherries and I will also confess to a secret love for maraschino cherries. So naturally I am drawn to these very UN-natural cherries. However what you are looking at are four pound jars. 4 POUNDS.



Yep, you know you secretly want a four pound (FOUR POUND) jar of phony flavored cherries.

I have a headache just thinking about it.

Right, right, moving RIGHT along.

Ok, so, there is no time (except once - see below) when I am drawn to meat in a can.

Even when it's fake meat in a can.

It would be safe to say that I am completely repelled by meat in a can. And if you know me, you know that I barely even deal with frozen meat in a box. This might be because of one time being given a microwaved strip of chicken meat that had been pried out of a Lean Cuisine by a well-meaning adult in my life.

And probably also because one time, out of curiosity, I ate a whole can of Vienna wieners while sitting on the roof of my grandparents house. Well tried to anyway, I ate about 4 of them before tossing the can into the bushes. Ugh, revolting.

Insert *shudder* here and behold the variation on the canned meat theme:




Moving along, nothing to see.

Did you know that there are the many different flavorings available? I mean other than vanilla or anise. Which makes sense since re-flavoring everything is all the rage these day. "Re-flavoring"... that is my contribution to the English language in 2010. You are very welcome.

I would suggest that salt water taffy is on the fast track for being THE flavor of 2010. I am pretty sure that everyone is over cotton candy flavor. And plain old peppermint doesn't have the summery beachy-ness that salt water taffy does.

Right? Right? Salt water taffy flavored cherries anyone?



Ok, so ever since my lovely ex-coworker and I discover the magical transformational properties of Hot Salt, I have been trying to find it on supermarket shelves since.

It has to be Hot Salt. We've tried the alternatives, the designer impostors if you will, and they are NOT the same as the original Hot Salt. End of story.

But in all that time scanning the spice shelves of every supermarket I shop in, I have never seen spaghetti sauce mix. It must be a regional thing or something. This is something I would eat with baby carrots. Or sprinkled on a piece of buttered toast. True story.

And Anna, if you are reading this, you are probably saying "oh yeaaaahhh" with me right now...



And finally let me present my two favorite finds from the virtual shelves of Amazon:



Firstly I cannot believe that there is a product out there called "Suddenly Salad". Which is really is un-sudden pasta in a box. At least I think that is what it is.

It's possible I was distracted by the fact that it is flavored with both ranch AND bacon. That to me is AWESOME but the AWESOMENESS of ranch AND bacon is canceled by the sudden part.

I half expect something to suddenly burst out of the box when I open it. That sh*t is scary!

And secondly:



I can't exactly put my finger on exactly why this packaging irritates me so much, but it sure does. And how can anyone possibly think that they'd be committing a sin by eating full calorie instant pudding? Seriously!

Well, so there you are. I hope you've enjoyed this little tour of freaky foods. Hopefully I haven't completely offended anyone by dissing their beloved potted meat food product. Like they say, there is a foot for every shoe... something like that.

Also, I had a lot of fun playing with the photos and I hope you liked them too!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I smell.......

BACON!

And lots of it.

The other night I was burrowing into my lovely fleece sheets and I thought I caught a whiff of bacon. And not because I farted under the sheets but rather the sheets sort of smelled like bacon. I sniffed and sniffed and sniffed because my sense of smell is for crap and I kept thinking to myself "what is that smell" since I was positive it wasn't a fart.

I poked my head out of under the sheets and sniffed the pillows, and the wall, and the bathrobe hanging on the hook... yep BACON! My whole room, including my pyjamas, smelled like bacon.

Seems that my neighbors had a bacon party. Their exhaust runs along their kitchen ceiling which puts it at the base of my guest bedroom where I am currently camping out while doing some home renovations.

Which is fine with me since I love bacon. I just wish I'd been invited to the bacon party.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Food Truth Time

Two things about food I have realized over the past two weeks.

One: I need to eat food at mealtimes. When I am left to my own devices I lack food structure, among other things.

For example today I didn't eat until about 1pm even though I was up at 8:30am. I ate some spoonfuls of vegetarian chili and drank half a pot of coffee. Then I had an Emergen-C. Later on I ate a slice of carrot cake, and then I made bread because I was too lazy to go out to get some. While the bread was rising, I tried to make panisse with a new recipe, which was a failure. I ended up frying chickpea paste in too much olive oil until it was brown and crispy on the outside and sort of pasty on the inside. Yuck/yum/fail.

Once the bread was baked and cooled I cut a couple of slices and ate them with a smear of boursin and, get this, topped with sauteed kale and mushrooms.

And then to finish the day I had a big cup of peppermint hot cocoa with marshmallows.

This is why I need to go back to work. For meal structure.

Two: I have come to the decision that I am not an adventurous food person. I was watching this show today on PBS where this food person went to Thailand and ate fried silkworms and drank silkworm poo tea. With gusto.

This is not something I want to do.

Turns out that I can't seem to get appropriatedly excited about offal buffets, using toasted grasshoppers on salad instead of croutons, eating teeny tiny tastes of one bite of the most exquisite amuse-bouche ever invented, or anything other than milk that is served foamed or jelled (yes, I know that is so seven years ago).

Staying in just seems to be more fun to me right now. I just want a moderately priced roast beef - with roasted potatoes, a green salad, and La Mamans delicious pan gravy. With perhaps a dessert of plain sponge cake and jam. Made from scratch. By me. In my kitchen.

Ok, so maybe this is more of a post-holiday food blurg. But seriously, how awesome does a roast beef with gravy sound right now? Pretty awesome.

Better than bread topped with boursin, cooked kale, and mushrooms, that is for sure.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Don't worry, I'm not starving. Yet.

Phew! 2009 was quite the year. And it ended with me going from one job to another with a convenient two week holiday in between.

So you know, I could have gone on a tropical holiday. Or on an eating tour. Or just rented a bunch of movies and flopped out on the couch.

But noooooooooo.

I decided to do some "work" on the old homestead.

Let me explain about that: it's like when you have a little tiny thread hanging out at the end of your sweater sleeve and you give it a light tug and suddenly your whole sweater unravels and you are standing there nekkid with a pile of yarn at your feet.

Yeah. So I really thought I would just be caulking up a couple of windows and throwing down a little laminate. Haha.

Currently I am camping out in my guest room, and last night I stayed in to insulate and caulk up the back exterior door. Whoot!!

No one got presents this year because I am investing the last bits of my savings into caulking. Can you tell I inappropriate love the word 'caulk'. Ahhh who doesn't love the silent 'L'. That's right, I put the 'ass' in class.

Which probably means that any posts I put up in the coming weeks/months will be related to food you can easily make when the kitchen is a wreck around you.

Stay tuned for grilled cheese and salad recipes. Thrilling, I know.

Happy new year!